Bridges
Marriage is an amazing and complex relationship. Yet couples often get married without adequate preparation for the challenges ahead—issues like finances, children, careers, and extended family. Through the years, the marriage must change and grow, or it will become an empty relationship or a divorce statistic.
Couples need to come together with the ability to discuss issues with understanding, love and respect. There are five “bridges” that can help build up a marriage that’s in need of a tune-up or even one that’s falling apart.
Bridge #1 - Responsibility
Spouses need to own their thoughts and feelings and take responsibility for their actions and words. When we blame others or justify or excuse ourselves, we are avoiding responsibility.
Bridge #2 - Hope
Hope is the glue that holds and sustains marriage and keeps love alive. Behind hope is an objective reason to believe good things can happen. It is an investment of time and energy in the marriage—you have a solid reason to believe a good relationship can be achieved.
Bridge #3 - Empathy
Spouses don’t always see eye to eye. Empathy allows you to put yourself in your spouse’s shoes. At times it can be sobering to ask, “What is my spouse experiencing right now?” or “In this moment, what am I like to live with?” Each spouse brings a multitude of experiences to the relationship, and we can support, encourage and build on the marriage if we make an effort to see the world through their eyes.
Bridge #4 - Forgiveness
Forgiveness is often misunderstood. Though many believe forgiveness is important, they forgive for the wrong reasons or refuse to forgive because they do not understand its purpose. We forgive with the hope that the relationship will be reconciled. Trust is built back into the marriage as the offended forgives and the offender takes responsibility and displays repentance.
Bridge #5 - Commitment
Dr. Scott Stanley of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at University of Denver says commitment is lived out in two ways. It may be mere obligation where the heart is not in it, or it is experienced with dedication, enthusiasm and involvement. So the question is not whether spouses are committed, but rather what kind of commitment they have.
These five helps are not the only bridges toward a healthy marriage, but they have been tested in relationships and found to be among the strongest. Sometimes couples find it difficult to work through some of these areas and may need the support and help from a professional. Don’t let things go too long and be open to those who desire to help you with your bridge building.
Adapted from: When Bad Things Happen to Good Marriages by Les and Leslie Parrott
Couples need to come together with the ability to discuss issues with understanding, love and respect. There are five “bridges” that can help build up a marriage that’s in need of a tune-up or even one that’s falling apart.
Bridge #1 - Responsibility
Spouses need to own their thoughts and feelings and take responsibility for their actions and words. When we blame others or justify or excuse ourselves, we are avoiding responsibility.
Bridge #2 - Hope
Hope is the glue that holds and sustains marriage and keeps love alive. Behind hope is an objective reason to believe good things can happen. It is an investment of time and energy in the marriage—you have a solid reason to believe a good relationship can be achieved.
Bridge #3 - EmpathySpouses don’t always see eye to eye. Empathy allows you to put yourself in your spouse’s shoes. At times it can be sobering to ask, “What is my spouse experiencing right now?” or “In this moment, what am I like to live with?” Each spouse brings a multitude of experiences to the relationship, and we can support, encourage and build on the marriage if we make an effort to see the world through their eyes.
Bridge #4 - Forgiveness
Forgiveness is often misunderstood. Though many believe forgiveness is important, they forgive for the wrong reasons or refuse to forgive because they do not understand its purpose. We forgive with the hope that the relationship will be reconciled. Trust is built back into the marriage as the offended forgives and the offender takes responsibility and displays repentance.
Bridge #5 - Commitment
Dr. Scott Stanley of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at University of Denver says commitment is lived out in two ways. It may be mere obligation where the heart is not in it, or it is experienced with dedication, enthusiasm and involvement. So the question is not whether spouses are committed, but rather what kind of commitment they have.
These five helps are not the only bridges toward a healthy marriage, but they have been tested in relationships and found to be among the strongest. Sometimes couples find it difficult to work through some of these areas and may need the support and help from a professional. Don’t let things go too long and be open to those who desire to help you with your bridge building.
Adapted from: When Bad Things Happen to Good Marriages by Les and Leslie Parrott
